Opening Remarks

Harry Crab Championships 2008

“You Catch ‘em, We scratch ‘em”

 Golden Pebble, Dalian, China…I’ve wanted to play this championship course for a long time.  I am happy that it’s now part of the Harry Crab rotation.  Unfortunately, my Crab career will come to end this year as I will not be there to join all you hackers.  Despite my “oh” for 5 record at previous Crabs, I take away many fond memories especially the Johor Bahru Crab in Malaysia where I carded a 41 after 9 and then never made a par over the next 27 holes, finishing third after the 2 bandit Singaporean guys.  To date, that would be my best result.

The lesson to you all, and I don’t mind sharing this, is that you can’t win a Crab on the first day!  The only thing you can do on the first day is take yourself out of contention.  The other lesson I can share and this is for Paul Heffner, is that the next Crab champion is virtually decided in the haggling and whinging of handicaps, which starts immediately the moment everyone arrives at the airport to embark on the trip.  (Note to All: Don’t let Dave Ting lure you into a false sense of golf proficiency like he has with his weekend playing partners…Huey, Dooey and Louey).  Oh! And the last lesson you all need to learn is to make sure Harry, co-champion 2007, doesn’t take those gimmie 3-5 footers. 

Though this is the end of my Crab playing days, my blogging career will continue at least for this year.  After 5 years, I am sure we all know who is in the field and each others’ quirks as well as the inside jokes and innuendos.  

Ray

The Usual Suspects

What's made the Crab successful?  I think in part is the obligation of the champion to pay for the following year's dinner.  I am still savoring that Zanotti dinner in Bangkok.  Thanks Norm and George.  Also, I think that the same group of guys coming back year after year has played a role in the Crab's enduring values of friendship.  And of course, the same cheap laughs.

For example:

Dave Ting’s not so private infatuation with Christina Kim, with whom he shares the same body image issues, and his secretive habit of keeping Burger King Whoppers in his golf bag for energy late in the round.  And you all wonder why he farts a lot?

 I wouldn’t be surprised if Norm and Cliff ask to share a single bed together.  We wondered if Norm was hung like a horse or if he just got off one.  We assumed the latter as poor Cliff complained of a sore back-side and couldn’t sit down for days.  It did wonders for Norm in 2005 when he earned co-champion honors with George Chow, who had to make several long 5 and half-foot putts to earn the co-champion status, although Norm still refers to it as first runner-up.

 Of course, there is James “Thaksin” Lin, the best dressed golfer on the course.  James with his body hugging “JL” kit complete with “JL” belt buckle, looking like a fat middle aged gay guy (Note: "JL" does not stand for James Lin).

 Speaking about jovial, Harry Hui has graciously lent his name, image and time (as well as the start-up money to buy the first trophy which the Singaporean bandits took and the second trophy which Harry insists made of crystal purchased from a shop in Shanghai) to this worthy championship that we all owe him a debt of gratitude.  And for the record, Harry did in fact sit on a golf ball and asked if I could drive our shared golf cart as fast as possible over a speed bump, while he raised his arm to brace the canopy of the cart to increase the PSI (pounds per square inch) pressure.

2008 Crabbers, Clams & Shrimpers

This year I thought it would be fun and funny to list each participant using the format, "The Hollywood in You!".  We'll start with an easy one (Calvin's) and you'll get the idea really fast.

Calvin Hsu – Calvin and I always played this game and it’s a great way to break the ice when you're trying to make conversation or pay someone a compliment or even an insult.  Not only did Cal butt double for Tony Leung in The Lover, he also was Jackie Chan’s stand in during Rush Hour 1, 2 & 3, and in Shanghai Noon.    Do you know how many times people mistake Jackie Chan for Calvin Hsu these days? 

Cliff Huang – “This thing, Norm, if it gets a hold of us ….we’re dead!"

David Ting – Dave and I have had a good run with the Christina Kim thing.  So it’s time to bring in some fresh ideas. The only one I could think of that would convey the “Hollywood in Dave” was Craig Stadler, then I thought it wouldn’t be fair to Craig so I had to include Kevin to be completely authentic.  Dave will now be known as “The Stadlers”.

Ed King – BIG ED.  Words that come to mind when thinking of Ed’s golf game are long, strong, and surprisingly coordinated for such a gentle giant. So much potential, but Ed has been pretty much a BIG disappointment ever since he’s come out.  That’s ‘come out’ to the Harry Crab scene that is.  Big Ed and the Big Wiesy have a lot in common.  Same girly pitch shriek when they mis-hit.

George Chow – The television episodes are uncanny. Like character Peter Griffin of Family Guy, George is also legendary with his love of watching TV, kicking back with a few brewskies, a couple bowls of nacho chips and maybe later, spark up some Michael Macdonald of the Dobby Brothers.

* Harry Hui – This was a tough one and I you can see why.  Hilary Clinton or Keith Partridge.  Whatever you decide, Harry will always be linked to the time a few of us were watching Tin Cup, and he repeatedly remarked how nice the slacks fitted on Kevin Costner.  Isn’t that “veird?” And another time watching Gladiator, Harry joyfully blurted out that he liked Djimon Hounsou, we assumed it was the character portrayal.  When you have time over the weekend, ask Harry to recount his wonderful stories of the time spent in Nairobi with the Big Kenyan guy.

James Lin – As you all know when I lived in Bangkok, James visited quite a bit as he was working on a project.  It was surprising how many people thought he was former Prime Minister Thaksin.  It reminded me of hanging out with Michael Wong in Bangkok and all these people would ask for an autograph.  Photo here is taken recently of James after I asked what he scored on the last hole…."Triple bogey!"

* Leonard Kim – Like that other Kim, Anthony Kim.  Two very focused and recent champions in a compact but “toight” package.

Norman Chen – For Norm this could be his year and it’s not insignificant that he will be reunited with Cliff at the annual retreat.  So this makes Norm the "Brokeback Comeback Player of the Year!"  The 'back' would be Cliff’s in both cases.

Paul Heffner – Not much stuff on Paul yet; I expect to get the dope post-Dalian.  But I’ve played golf with Paul.  He’s got game and he’s a player.  Don’t let that ‘aw shucks’ smile fool you.  But I imagine he’s just happy to be out of the house or is it mansion?  Speaking about mansion, any relation to Playboy Hugh Hefner, despite the different spelling?

Peter Tung – Pete just oozes ease and style just like his African American brother form another mother, Don Cheadle.  The “Hollywood in Pete”, you have to look lower. “Baby, you got to go loo-waa!”

*2008 co-champion

2007 Video Review